let me chase the broken

breylee @ 2009-06-08T09:13:00

2009-06-08T09:13:44Z

My birthday was on 4 june and i really had a great time, thank you everyone who remembered and wished me, and thank you the ones who helped me celebrate my 18th birthday altogether :) i thank God for all of these :)

oversubscribed with Joy

2009-05-30T13:11:06Z

It's damn sick.
I got dizzy playing l4d, i can't even walk properly when i walked out of the LAN shop man.

but anyway today I've much reflective thoughts.
people care, jesus doesnt.

because people care about how much you earn, how good you look, how smart you are, how eloquent you can speak, how many friends you have, how loving your family is, but ironically they don't say much about who you Really are.

so if you think you have an identity crisis, then maybe think again heh.

breylee @ 2018-08-18T22:20:00

2009-02-08T14:18:53Z

I am but a flower quickly fading but it's where the Lord holds when I fall.
Aubrey

nineteen minutes

2009-02-06T14:49:16Z

Annette chew and Me

I've got bad and ugly eyebags.
Ironic thing is I sleep at 10 pm every single day this week.

J1s, three letters: L-O-L.
They are pretty okay( I only kinda like my netties juniors) except I hate it when they 'flood' the canteen and they occupy the seats outside affinity.
Not that I patented those seats but it just irked me whenever my classmates and I didn't get tables during our breaks.
So I bet the 07 batch of j2s hated us that much as well.

I watched the touch rug match on thursday and I really have no idea how the game was like.
But I watched the trials, to their match vs UWC, to their internal matches.
And I was suprised I could have such a long attention span for this sport, other than basketball and netball.
I usually doze off watching soccer.
Not many comments for the touch rug games(because I'm just an onlooker) but just want to tell them to jiayou hahahaha
especially Ang is the captain and jia/zx/zihui are in t.rug too.

This week I learnt something:

Losers make promises; Winners make commitments.
I feel it makes a lot of sense.
So......wanna tell every single classmate in 08s31, please study hard (:

Plus Chris hahahaha.
I think Chris and Yihui have this special familiar resemblance :)
(fu qi xiang)

Anyway, today's happy seventh for yk and I :)

Numero Uno

2009-02-01T04:53:02Z

Defender/Keeper

I found this picture(after RV match) on my desktop and I remembered I've been telling myself to upload this on the net since December.
Albeit the ugly and horrendous scars on my knee due to Six years of netball/constipated look on my face,
I like it.

Well, you always have to pay a price for your passion,
Wounds bleed, they dry up, they become scars, the scars stay until maybe you decide to apply SK2.
Yet even so, they don't pull you away from the thing you love to do
And that indefinitely,
doesnt only speak about netball.

2 february is finally here.

have I found you?

2009-01-31T03:39:24Z

Happy one year my sweetheart ting ting :)

Totally rare but I enjoyed sprints yesterday
50m, 100m, 200m, 200m, 100m, 100m, 50m
Thanks for having the netballers around even though they may never know the times I love most(in school) are with them.
B01 girls all have different commitments now.

WT: ' You are the unhappiest christian I've ever seen.'
Me: ' Sorry, life sucks now.'

I didnt know why that came so naturally but I don't want to be unhappy at all,
especially when I've someone bigger than the world in my life.
Wah God, sometimes I wish you are human-like and listen to me rant and rant and rant...

Most of the time I wish I was better.
And most of the time I wish nobody commented I was skinner than usual
because some people would continue that I'm anorexic but hell no, I'm not anorexic.

Sigh.

All good things come to an end.

breylee @ 2009-01-29T10:15:00

2009-01-29T02:43:51Z

I'm going through this phase of my life which I feel utterly cui.
When nothing seems to cheer me up at all.
I can't kick the habit of thinking too much..........and trying to alter outcomes of the coming.
I don't want to talk to anyone, even my boyfriend, even my bestf..and even God~~(though I know He knows what I'm thinking)~~.

What's wrong with me?

I'm all alone even though it seems that I'm not.

Make it all okay

2009-01-25T03:55:11Z

So annoying, my Viewty LG cannot upload pictures onto the net :(

I know of this one person whom I don't have to put on make-up to conceal a zit on my face when he's around, for whom my hair can be as disastrous as it can be, for whom I don't have to show that I can do a perfect layup, and around whom I can say anything without fear of repercussions, or of looking truly stupid. Because he is stupid and retarded too. Though you didn't do much, much gratitude for being so understanding throughout those unbearable days. And always making yourself available for me every single day. I hope you also know how terrific I think you are.
Three words for you :)

Much Thanks to all those who knew what happened and were there to give me comfort especially on Thursday :):):)

Yet of all things, I want to thank God because I know He made all this happened.
2009 is and will be a challenge and I know, somewhat a gut feeling, it's going to be a life-transforming one.
Even though I wish everything remains the same-
the same good peaceful way I wanted it to be in the first place.

I am not suprised that there are so many movies screening this period of time but nothing seems to appeal to me except LOVE MATTERS. I know it's a cheena movie but hahhahaaha it's so funny.
Nothing beats a laughing pill to make me happy.

'Who ever loved that loved not at first sight.'

Motion picture thoughts

2009-01-21T15:40:45Z

I was a happy girl yesterday because I met Idiot for dinner(:

I'm happy today because it's my 200th day with yk (:

I'm fairly troubled over this one issue regarding a misunderstanding and I badly want to clear it because I really did not express any discontentment towards you. So please don't dao me in school :/
But I've Gailey to share my burden bwahahaha!

I'm very upset with myself for Tuesday's Math Test because I thought I mastered Vectors but it turned out otherwise.
The thought of me being stupid is...not desirable but urgh I really want to ask God why! ):

I want to tell Angela that I want to see her smile (:

I'm very irritated by something yk told me today zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, irritated ttbm. Which explains why I don't want to blog in paragraphs because a handful don't look out for what I'm writing but how I'm writing, and passing comments about it. And yes you psychic readers, they are negative comments!

I'm so frustrated by what I've mentioned above but it's pointless -.-

I think grass is always greener on the other side. People always think what they have aren't the best and feel worse when they compare with others. Yours truly is jumping on the bandwagon soon, enrolling to be a victim of the Never-Contented.

I want to watch gossip girl and I want to have a burn book- like the one in Mean Girls.

I want a burn book not for the same purpose.

I want to play basketball.

I suddenly thought of Chong Jia An and I must declare that he's the only guy I'm fearful of and the one I respect most in this world.

Urgh I'm going crazy because the thoguht of 2 Feb keeps recurring in my mind.

I need God

And

Ditto

Because I really need God.

Sucker for pain, tears, doubts, insecurities and addiction.
Why ?

but the rain falls ):

2009-01-16T12:32:05Z

I don't have lyrical words rolling off my tongue to tell you how bad my day can be because I'm so exhausted deep down inside and I really want to quit school. Reality Check: It has only been one week since school reopened. I'm so angsty today because firstly I resembled a potentially girl-next-door becoming a chao ah lian, I was so sick of tying my hair again and again. Not forgetting the fact that I didn't have sufficient breaks to cure my hunger pangszzzzzzzzzxzxz. And I had so much work to catch up, so much unfinished work to complete. And I didn't see my girls today because everyone's so busy. Well, albeit the series of unfortunates, I received a very special photograph from Howsun and an encouraging postcard from Limin. You know, my day wasnt exactly a roller coaster ride, it's just one of the rare Friday blues.

I know I'm never good enough, never good enough to serve because amongst the faces you see, I'm the one with something more conspicuous than anyone else. But you know what, I've never stopped learning, never stopped serving my best. I really want to impact lives but at this very moment, I feel defeated because of something I have which would alter the impression of how a group of people would look at me. I'm against the idea of hiding my personal life because I feel I don't need to be the person you all thought I'm supposed to be, I want to be genuine and by keeping this from you people, I feel like I'm adopting double lifestyles. I feel as though I've to compress the littlest inside me and when I've problems, do I still turn to you? I think I'm being stubborn here but I'll never compromise on serving. Now it seems like every Saturday is a Judgement day, because every face I smile to, I never know how they really feel. Just because, just because I've an extra commitment?

God, you know I feel so terrible?

Philippians 4:13

2009-01-13T13:51:30Z

Joy even in trials, difficult times and pressing issues.
That's what makes everything else so different.
Listen to Your voice instead of my resonating thoughts in mind.

Thank God for my 08s31 classmates because they always make me smile even when I may be really down in school without him.

会呼吸的痛...

2009-01-10T19:04:29Z

I broke down in front of the computer while talking on msn, while texting various people.

It's probably the most anomalous way to reflect about my life at an unearthly hour of 1 AM.
No, it's not about the unfinished/untouched holiday assignments,
Neither is it about my relationship, which more often or so, I'm always the dramatic one but I'm learning already okay!!!

I texted Jia about a random outing and we exchanged texts until the both of us broke down.
I think no words can suffice how I'm feeling right now.
In literal sense, my heart is in tremendous pain ):
And the song on the loop has skyrocketed my emotional thoughts which I apparently do not have the mental capacity to grasp and ruminate(the word learnt in church today).

I'm so certain I need her so much, need her so much as a friend...
And I'm so afraid this friendship would just slip past because of what is going to happen in the future.
Thanks for keeping my problems like they're your problems,
give thoughts about my problems like they are yours,
feeling my anxiety and pain like you are going through the whole emotional trauma.

And when I broke down, the tears weren't all about sadness, they were nostalgic, pain and happiness.

Came along this msn conversation with someone of paramount importance.
Who, undoubtedly, had always been there for me but I never ever got the chance to chase after her life, her thoughts.
You know, I thank God, for courage for wisdom, to be able to think it through with you, to reassure this friendship with a guarantee chop.
Can't blame my tear gland for being so potent when we recalled every single thing we thought we missed.
I was so happy, nearly euphoric, when I knew I haven't lost you and our magical idiotic bond.

And when I broke down, the tears weren't all about sadness, they were nostalgic, pain and happiness.

God told me to ruminate today
I don't know if this came planned in Your hands
because i really wanted to sleep but I had my mobile and the com with me.

Okay, i really sound insane over here but I just needed to let off air at my space before I go to seep with peace within my mind.
Jia says: ' tmr will be a happy day(:'

P.S: thanks yuhui for the song!

Six months of..everything

2009-01-05T16:32:46Z

For You :)

I think my video skills is commendable ha ha ha on account that this is my pioneer product
but I took two nights to complete zzz!
hahaha but it was worthwhile (:

Thank God for saving my files on my computer when it was dysfunctional and hanging terribly (3

God's gift

2008-12-30T14:17:07Z

Oooh I like my new skin, it's exorbitantly yellow!
(insert love sign)

It's approximately slightly more than 24 hours to 2009.
Search my heart and you will know I'm quite apprehensive about the new year :/
This afternoon I bumped into Ms Foo coincidentally, on my way back to school
and I decided to talk to her about my plans for next year.

I've set my heart on repeating J1 next year and I may be bringing the case up to the VP.
I guess I took quite a toll to make this decision
and I know deep in my heart it will bring some controversy.
I know there will be people out there who will be disappointed in my decision
but you know what,
I just hope..you all will understand.
And yes, I will let God take control,
whether or not my appeal is going to be successful, it will be in God's plans :)
Regarding the reasons of doing so, you can ask me personally if you want to know!

2008 was a bittersweet year in a nutshell.
I think it was God's plan to put me in JJ although I will never ever expect myself to come to JJ in the first place.
URGH URGH URGH
But you know what, despite my despair, God made a way out for me :)
God gave me a fantastic OG :)
God gave me irrevocable moments during PAE- I LOVE :)
God gave me Jia, the girl whom i first knew in JJ, who is truly so sincere, so willing and always there for me, my ever bestie in JJ :)
God gave me Angela, Gail, Jx, Sharron, Zx, the group of girls, my pillars of strength, I can always turn to after school :)
God gave me other confidentes like Hidayah, Zihui, WT, Nette whom I can talk about anything under the sun :)
God gave me a place in JJ netball with wonderful wonderful wonderful pretty pretty pretty zai zai zai team mates and the chance to play for A div 08 :)
God gave me a really united class 08s31 :)
God gave me really sunnnny classmates and my gang of brothers who always brighten up my day in boring classes :)
God gave me B01, my comfort zone :)
God gave me many chances to explore and nurture- OGL and SLO :)
God gave me many friends in JJ :)
God gave me this one guy..whom I'm pretty sure I love quite an immeasurable amount, who stick through with me this year round, my first love :)

Besides,
Thank God for my goooooood friends forever like Ken, Ivan and othersss :)
Thank God for Dorcas my bff who is 24/7 always here to listen, always here to care :)
Thank God for my shep and my caregroup a lot for praying for me whenever circumstances are beyond my control, thank God for their acceptance despite very imprefect :)

Most importantly, thank God for giving me Jesus in my life and I bless every single one of my friend and duh my family :)
but espeically those going army next year, especially X2 the stupidest bernard.

Woah God is very good to me, he places so many people in my life!

I pray 2009 will be a better year :)
If I say I'm not fearful of what's in the future, I'm definitely lying.
Have a good year people,
most importantly,
cherish.treasure.make the best out of every little thing.

she's beautiful but she doesnt mean anything to me

2008-12-27T04:14:12Z

Justin from Brisbane Hope Church,
He's like really really tall, standing at 198cm
and I'm still waiting for our unit/district photoss!

This year's christmas was about love
no aerosol sprays, no party-poppers like the past two years.

Just people I love and bringing the people I love to know about love (:

Jia my bestie in JJ, Olivia foong my 11-year childhood friend and Dolly leck my bffnf

I brought them to my church's special event heehee :)

Christmas this year was with two Bs, the two Bs whom are the closest to me right now
and I really love them deep down my hearttt (:

Afternoon Christmas eve was with Bestfriend (:

Night Christmas eve was with yk hahahaha (:

Yk was really amazing because he really made me the happiest girl
on Christmas eve.
Received many presents from him but what made me happy wasnt
all the presents but the tremendous efforts he put in to make Christmas eve 08 a memorable one for me.
Because he knew Christmas was special for me this year,
because he knew it was the first year I celebrated Christmas as a Christian,
and because he wanted to share his love.
I thank God for yk and the suprises he had prepared for me, irrevocable.

Suprisingly both my two Bs bought wallets for me on Christmas ((:

I don't know which to use ha ha ha

All in all, I thank God for both and every single one who wished me merry christmas
and gave me cards and gifts (:
Though Christmas is over but you know what, I'm anticipating the next one!

And yesterday I went for
1. Netball SUPER STRICT DRESS CODE Christmas Party
2. Mrs Mandy's Christmas Potluck with the class

Upload photos asap.

And for people participating in the Sundown Marathon 42.195 km (I think) hahahaha
may God be with youuuuu (:

I THINK MY POST IS VERY INCOHERENT

breylee @ 2008-12-23T12:24:00

2008-12-23T04:34:46Z

I'm going over to Ivan's house now for MI123
First person to SOS is dorcas leck so you better get your phone ready.

Urgh last night was terrible zz
That moment was such a tragic that every festive sense I had subsided by a ten-fold.
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz
i hate to zz

Everyone loves 26 december, why all the parties on 26 december and every single one is so important to me
God please dispense a few more hours to a day.

breylee @ 2008-12-20T10:56:00

2008-12-20T03:39:19Z

I figured out my personality spells one word : Enigmatic

Why am I...such a logic-warp.
Why do I always have to break the flow of nature and distort simplicity and trust according to my feelings.
I wish I can comply and be more trusting to the people who have the most potential of hurting me.

I've been reserving grey areas in this relationship and I don't want grey areas urgh :(

On a happy note,
Christmas is around the corner..approximately 5 more days!
and I'm so convicted, so convicted to bring people to know the true meaning behind what Christmas is all about :)
God, guide me.

though it's not your favourite song

2008-12-18T02:08:53Z

sometimes time will come for all to see that the best you put in is never enough
sometimes running the extra mile is yet another futile attempt, yet the ironic thing is people still do it

for the past few days, i've been hit with another new revelation
I know I cannot be like God, I know
I can't be equipped with
His extraordinary patience, His extraordinary forgiveness
but God chose to see my strenghts and use me as a tool.

If the perfect God
can embrace my weaknesses
and look at my positive profile,
why can't I look at people with their positive profiles too.

sometimes I wonder why
there isnt much change even if I've placed my heart in trying to make a difference
I start to cringe at the slightest failure
I start to feel tired and be negative about the uncertainties in the future
but why haven't I try to see in someone else's perspective
instead just focusing on what I feel/what I get.

even though the mile I ran was not completely fruitful
but I'm glad you tried and did your best to make my run feel complete
I'm glad you tried and did your best to always put me first
I'm glad you tried and did your best to always put a smile on my face
even when I'm unreasonably un-nice
I'm glad you tried and did your best to not judge me
and compromise me because of my new commitment

Because I know if it was in the past, I would have been very frustrated with the other party.

In everything we do, don't the effort always count more than the expected/unexpected outcome? :)

Am looking forward to
1. Working with Jia :)
2. Christmas dinner with B01 :)
3. Christmas party with Church, Netball :))
4. Christmas :)

This year's Christmas will be so different...from the past..

breylee @ 2008-12-16T12:27:00

2008-12-16T04:27:53Z

and you know what,
God will win the world one day.
:)

run the tides, come out unscathed

2008-12-13T05:55:13Z

I like the song, the video, the strums.
Emo kids don't watch it.
Suicidal, intensively induced :(
--

Good fight my netballlllllers,
we will be top four next year!
Wah i must post my jump shots on this space ha ha ha ha ha,
and my very professional hairstyle when I play netball ha ha ha ha.

and today i touched WT :)

Anyway, I like girls who write intellectual stuff and play electric guitar
I think girls like them are a dime in a dozen
and they leave me secretly amazed.

OH I LOVE MY BESTF, THANKS FOR BEING THERE
even though you may not know how much your presence counts.
-

aye sorry I made you cry so many times last night
please take care when I'm away
I carry your heart wherever I go
13 times you said, and I mean every single letter.

opacity

2008-12-11T02:40:47Z

maybe it's too little too late too wrong too coincidental too misunderstood too hasty too unsuitable too close for comfort too upset too tired too much to deal too.....unlike Aubrey's lifestyle and way of life.

I'm worse than a Blair Waldorf zzz

Last night SOMEBODY told me
' stare what stare, stare again poke your eyes'
Hahahhaaha I think that sounded damn cute, I never knew I go for cheap thrills.
Maybe people do change afterall lol

Aye anyway must thank God :)
and Jia too.

breylee @ 2008-12-07T22:59:00

2008-12-07T15:12:49Z

I'm disappointed but what can I say?
Try harder but whatever for?
I can never win your heart over.
No matter how hard i try/tried.

It's not you, it's me.
I'm a far cry from self-contentment.

birthdays to the max

2008-12-06T00:08:50Z

sweeeeet sweeeeet

MY GIRLS :)

:) look at Angela, the most willing to do the twist thing.

Pictures above!

Last night, yk and I went to Winston/Annette's bbq party :)
Hahhahaha I think Winston is a very nice person and
he will take good care of my Annette very well hahaha.
Happy Nette Chew and happy birthday!
And happy going to NS wi(L)son.

Happy fifth to yk and I tooooooo :)
I gave yk this card which recorded
' you are actually an asshole and I hate you. You dumb'
then we kept laughing about it -.-

-
I humble myself before God and I repented
and I don't know how He felt after listening to me last night during
QT
but you know what I think He gave me this dream last
night to tell me He's been very small in my life.
(very amazing and coincidental)
And i woke up in cold sweat because I was actually guilty
of it.
But I prayed and prayed, so in the end I got back to sleep within 5 minutes!
ahahaha so amazing.

God make me greater in your life.
Make me more of what You are and less of myself.

breylee @ 2008-12-01T19:20:00

2008-12-01T11:43:46Z

Sidenote: Wah today i finally met the girls in school, happy happy :)
It doesnt feel like PAE was in January, time passes so fast,
you can actually comprehend how quick that blink of eye can be.
In retrospect, many things happened- some of us found our other halfs/going-to-be-other-half(hahaha),
some of us gradually became proactive in sports,
some of us opened up much much more.
and all I can sum up is that 2008 wouldnt be as good without you girlssss :)

-

Post with heavy pictures

My Island cremery and Ubin trip :)
I know I should have used a cut but I fogot to put all these pictures into the cut area
and I'm lazy to re-do it all over again

breylee @ 2008-11-30T01:14:00

2008-11-29T17:36:39Z

I thought today's service was great,
I loved the worship, I understood everything preached by Pastor Jeff :)

I read the newspaper with B just now and I felt the world around us is so tragic.
Terrorist attack, financial crisis, retrenchment
But time doesnt seem to stop for anyone,
everyone has their own agenda, prom, NS, studying, working..you name it.
Maybe you and I should take a pit-stop and think about the world that we are living in.

Then again, human beings are always thinking for themselves,
if not, those traic affairs we see on tv and papers wouldnt even happen.
This world is so..pathetic.
God please help,
I don't know why I had this sudden thought
because I'm actually a problem-obsessed dramatic kid.(which is fairly ironical to think about the world)

I hope to see things turning for the better for this awfully flawed world.

Meanwhile, I hope all my friends are happy with their lives
and I guess the only BIG consolation for everyone out there is that
Christmas is coming.

Yes yes yes, Christmas-the festival I look forward every year besides my Birthday.

AND I'M FINALLY GOING TO PULAU UBIN TOMORROW,
AH DAMN HAPPY :) :) :) lubs lubs

nights kids.

P.S: I need a day to go out with olivia foong and my bestf, please calender.
P.P.S: EH WHY GOSSIP GIRL STOP ONE WEEK, I'M DYING HERE ALREADY.
HURRY UPLOAD THE NEXT EPISODE BEFORE I START 90210